You once told me you know
How to love better than him
I believed you back then
But your proof fell flat
It makes me miss him.
It makes me realize your version of love
Is paying for my dinner
But you like the smell of your wallet too much
So, you unravel your day for me
Threads spin around my head
‘Til a noose is formed
Around an artery
So I asked if you like my new sweater
But you were curious where I bought it.
Once you told me he was an asshole
Because he didn’t know my needs
I thought it was because he left
Because I wasn’t looking
Because I didn’t care enough because
He couldn’t say I love you enough
But he remembered to bring me jellybeans
Because I like to eat them with my eyes closed
And taste each one without the color.
You told me today
It’s my weakness that misses him
As if the painful throbbing in my throat
Is by the guillotine I built
From memories of splintered wood
Compressed by the guilt of realizing
I hated that he’d never said love
Just to spite me
But he never said love because
He knew I wouldn’t believe it.