I guess I’m what you call a late-bloomer. I think it partly had to do with my bad break-up with God. When I opened my heart to Him there was nothing that felt better. I always felt so full even though I had so many conflicts inside myself. I decided to save my body from iniquity. By keeping a distance from sex I believed I was holding some sense of purity for our relationship, when I was really just avoiding a truth I was too afraid to face.
So, when the people of our congregation decided I wasn’t enough for Him and that our relationship wasn’t legitimate, I broke all ties and turned away completely. I was so angry about the whole situation, but I was mostly terrified. Even though I didn’t want to listen to the people who had come between us, there was a large fraction of my heart that believed them. Even when I was able to forgive, I had a hard time forgetting. For years, I wasn’t sure I had anything to bring to a relationship so I just bounced from body to body with lot’s of space between. And even though I never had to pay for sex, I still felt like there was always a cost.
Thankfully, today I’m a little more balanced and my idea of sex isn’t so pessimistic. You bring to the table what you want. We have decisions we have to make, and it seems that choices made in regards to sex with someone for the first time must be done independently. It is the only way to protect yourself from harm and know the right questions to ask when faced with the nakedness. Should I be an asset or a liability? Will the sheets be stained with all my baggage or will I check it at the door? When he unbuttons my shirt will he see strength or emptiness?
Be wise lovebirds. We all seek and desire love, but at what cost? Make wise decisions; wrap it up, use birth-control if necessary, be careful with ex-boyfriends, and by all means do not use warming lube for anal sex. Please be safe. I like you too much to see someone bruise your heart and steal your dignity.