Where Is My Tidal Wave?

Time is like the shoreline. Tides wash in and wash out. Sometimes, the tide is high and the shoreline drowns and recesses. Sometimes the tide is low and dries out, leaving remnants of everything it collected when the flood came. We blame the moon for these changes. We blame global warming for decreasing land-mass. Regardless, the pattern of the tides remains the same: in and out, in and out.

There are times I find myself waiting. Waiting for the day to end; waiting for inspiration to find me; waiting for the time to come when I’ll stop fearing my intentions. There are times I think I am just waiting for the tide to come and drown me. The problem with waiting is that there is no movement. In order for you to get whatever it is you are looking for, you need to seek it/stalk it/hunt it down.

This post is my attempt at moving; at taking a step in order to start running/butterfly swimming/downhill skiing. I realized that with all the technical writing I’ve been doing I haven’t been allowing myself to purge all the things bubbling up inside of me. I haven’t been able to say how exciting it is to be looking forward to my somewhat-near future, how I am terrified to be venturing out on my own again, how my heart is bruised from the disappointment of my own failures, how trying to be the best of your own self is exhausting.

Regardless, I am still taking steps forward, very slowly. In turn, things are mundane and gray/unflavored and quiet/disconcerting and frowny-face. But this is my low-tide. This is my time to take everything that washed up during the flood and turn it into southwestern jewelry/knick-knacks in a bookcase/memorabilia you’ll have to discard in the next few years. I have to use this as an inspiration to get my future endeavors started.

All my chick-a-dees, nothing in the world is going to get better for us. In burying myself in the GRE, portfolios, and various documents, I realized that nothing is going to happen graciously for me to get me any further than I already am. We are all seeking something more for ourselves no matter where we are, whether actively or not. But if we desire something badly enough, we can work at trying to obtain it. Maybe we won’t always reach the endpoint we want, but at least we might be able to learn something/experience something/feel something. Jennifer always says, “If you don’t like where you’re at, move.” Those are the words I will focus on these next few months while I swim through a sea of geometry problems, analogies, and comprehension questions.

Fly, fly away.


About Ry

It's so magical, it's gay.
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