Apology List

When I think about our year together,
I always come back to the end.
Sometimes, I think our goodbye
just wasn’t good enough.
We were both so wrong, you know.
We were both so punch-drunk happy
that only after a few months
the punch finally started to hurt.

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for “I love you.”
for my shotgun mouth,
for the glass half-empty moments,
for all I said I would be
but never was.
I wasn’t trying to be a magic trick,
but I know my illusions fooled you.

I’m sorry,
for all the things I asked of you
before your trust could catch up.
I know now I was just feeding you my wish-list.
I’m sorry for the dust
I left you in,
how, in the end
I left you suffocating because
of all the breathing room I occupied.

I’m sorry for the holes,
for your shattering chest
for my fifty-yard dash emotions,
my bombshell reactions,
and my shirt I left on the floor when I left.
I think I knew you’d never want to remember me.

I never meant to hurt you,
I hope you know that now.
I really did try to be what you wanted me to be,
but all I could find in my pockets were bullets.
I’m sorry for that,
I’m just glad you always wear your vest.
But even though I might not be gun-shy
not every one is, so
I hope you take it off someday
because someone deserves to see what’s underneath.

About Ry

It's so magical, it's gay.
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